In my goal to be more present, I have unfortunately not had much time for blogging.
August, though incredibly busy, has been possibly the most exciting month of my life. So many wonderful things have happened and I cannot wait to share them all with you! (I will be writing separate posts to get into more detail about this month’s events.)
August started off with my 29th birthday. As people approach 30, many of them feel anxiety or panic. I’m not sure where the age of 30 got such a bad reputation, but as I get closer and closer to my 30s, I become more and more excited.
With every passing year I feel I get closer to really understanding who I am and closer to being comfortable with who I am. With every year, I worry less about trying to fit in with certain groups, trying to feign interest in things that don’t really matter to me, trying to be someone that I am not.
Though I am certainly full of flaws, the older I get, the more I learn to appreciate my flaws, embrace them because they make up who I am. My hair may not be exactly how I want it to look, I may still be awkward at times, I may not have the cooking skills a 29 year old should have, but that’s okay. Sometimes I have good hair days, sometimes my awkwardness goes unnoticed by others, and I can certainly bake a fabulous pie.
While I will never stop growing and striving to be the best version of myself, I feel more and more comfortable every year with not trying to change the things that make me me.
I struggled in deciding how to celebrate the actual day of my 29th birthday. I didn’t want to have a party. I didn’t want to go out for dinner or drinks. I felt that those were things I “should” be doing, but weren’t things I actually wanted to do.
I cannot tell you where the idea came from other than somewhere deep inside my soul, but the night of my birthday, I felt a strangely strong and urgent desire to go golfing. And for the first time in over 8 years, that’s exactly what I did. Reed and I went to the driving range and had a blast hitting ball after ball. A fire rekindled inside of me that night, and it felt incredible.
Golf was a huge part of my life growing up. Both sets of my grandparents were avid golf players, and thus, I was a golfer from a young age. Though never particularly skilled at the sport, I sure did love it. I spent hours practicing with my grandparents, my parents, my sisters, my friends; I spent hours playing in summer leagues as a child; and eventually I spent hours traveling and playing tournaments as one of the few girls on my high school’s golf team. However, after high school I quit. Looking back, I’m not sure why. I think it didn’t fit into who I was trying to be at that point in my life. I likely thought that golf wasn’t “cool.”
But what I discovered on my birthday this year is that golf is hella cool. Not because someone else said that it’s cool, but because it is something I truly enjoy, something that is a part of who I am. The feeling of reconnecting with this sport was so indescribably incredible.
I have a lot of practicing to do to make up for the years of recess, but I am so excited to reconnect with my younger self — the true, inner me free of concern of outward appearance — and return to the game of golf.